Reblogged from ihaveloserslurgey  118,816 notes

heckacute:

I’m sorry I can’t come to the phone right now. I’m busy cutting open Fruit Gushers and squeezing all of the goo into a glass so I can take a shot of it because that has always been a dream of mine and now that I’m an adult with a job, I finally have the means to make it a reality. Please leave your name and number after the beep. 

  • 1. Are you a virgin?

  • 2. Does anyone besides you know your bra/penis size?

  • 3. Do you know anyone who has any STDs?

  • 4. Were you married when you first lost your virginity?

  • 5. Do you swear under celibacy?

  • 6. When did you first lose your virginity? If you haven't, when would you like to?

  • 7. Have you ever gotten tricked into aphrodisiacs or alcohol for sex?

  • 8. Have you walked in on someone masturbating/having sex?

  • 9. Have you ever seen someone masturbate or have sex with their permission?

  • 10. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?

  • 11. If you had to chose one, would you have outdoor sex or car sex?

  • 12. When was the age you first masturbated? Whether you knew it or not?

  • 13. Have you ever helped someone "finish"?

  • 14. Have you ever had an erection in the past month? (clitorial counts, too)

  • 15. When was the last time you have had an erection? (clitorial counts, too)

  • 16. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed?

  • 17. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate)

  • 18. What is your bra/penis size?

  • 19. Has anyone seen your private parts other than yourself or a family member?

  • 20. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus?

  • 21. Do you like rough sex or intimate sex better?

  • 22. When was the last time you masturbated?

  • 23. When was the last time you had sex?

  • 24. When was the last time you watched porn?

  • 25. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?

  • 26. Guys:

    Circumsized?

  • 27. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched?

  • 28. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched?

  • 29. Girls:

    Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation?

  • 30. What color/type of underwear are you wearing?

  • 31. Have you ever sent someone a picture or video of you in the nude? Did it include sexual actions?

  • 32. Have you ever posted a picture of image of you in the nude on a website? Did it include sexual actions?

  • 33. Have you ever anonymously sent/posted a picture or video of yourself in the nude? Did it include sexual actions?

  • 34. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr?

  • 35. When was the last time you have had a wet dream?

  • 36. Which wet dream was your favorite?

  • 37. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with?

  • 38. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with?

  • 39. Have you ever masturbated with someone?

  • 40. Have you ever took a shower with someone that is not a family member?

  • 41. Favorite sexual position? If you are a virgin, which position interests you?

  • 42. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed?

  • 43. Are you into any BDSM?

  • 44. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why?

  • 45. Turn on's?

  • 46. Turn off's?

  • 47. Have you ever had a sexual fantasy about someone? Was it about anyone other than your lover?

  • 48. Have you ever had phone sex? Video sex? Chat box sex?

  • 49. What was the weirdest thing that has ever turned you on?

  • 50. Do you like dirty talk?

  • 51. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation?

  • 52. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what?

  • 53. Most embarressing sex/masturbation story?

  • 54. Most hilarious sex/masturbation story?

  • 55. What kind of porn do you like to watch?

  • 56. First type of porn you have ever watched? (ie. lesbian, hentai, threesome)

  • 57. What was the most recent type of porn you have ever watched? What category was it under?

  • 58. Most hilarious/stupidest porn you have ever watched?

  • 59. Have you ever fantasized over someone older than you? How much older? Younger? How much younger?

  • 60. Favorite sex toy (if any)?

  • 61. Have you ever had to break up with/divorce someone because you weren't satisfied with their sex?

  • 62. Have you ever used anything/gotten any surgeries to improve sexual performance/feel?

  • 63. If someone you knew asked for a nude image, would you do it? What about a tumblr follower?

  • 64. Have you ever told someone any wet dreams/fantasies you've had about them?

  • 65. Do you like to have sex like they do in pornos?

  • 66. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them?

  • 67. Are you able to be secretive when you masturbate? (like able to be quiet so no one can hear?)

  • 68. When was the first time you achieved orgasm?

  • 69. Is there only one way so far that you have been able to achieve orgasm? (ie. only by using toys, only from 1 positon,only from masturbating a certain way)

  • 70. Favorite type of oral?

  • 71. Strangest sexual positon you've tried?

  • 72. Have you ever made up a sexual postion?

  • 73. Girls:

    During sex, vaginal or anal?

  • 74. Girls:

    During masturbation, clitorial, vaginal, or anal?

  • 75. Do you like to be dominant or submissive?

  • 76. Have you ever masturbated to someone?

  • 77. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn't there when you needed them?

  • 78. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them?

  • 79. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial?

  • 80. Have you ever had sex with someone who wasnt your partner?

  • 81. Has any of your partners had sex with someone else?

  • 82. Have you ever gotten pregnant? Were they your lover's or someone else's?

  • 83. Birth control or condoms?

  • 84. Do you ever masturbate to porn?

  • 85. Does anyone know you masturbate? Did you have to tell them?

  • 86. Did your parents ever find out you were sexually active?

  • 87. Do you have any STDs?

  • 88. Have you ever masturbated to a fictonal character or celebrity?

  • 89. Have you ever had sex during "7 minutes in heaven"?

  • 90. Spit or swallow? Or do you not like oral?

  • 91. Have you ever been rejected for sex? Have you ever rejected someone else?

  • 92. Do you have someone who said they are willing to take away your virginity if you havent lost it by a set age or if you just want to have a good time?

  • 93. Have you ever experiented with the opposite sex?

  • 94. When you first lost your virginity, was it intended or spontanious?

  • 95. Has anyone ever walked in when you were taking a shower with someone?

  • 96. Did you ever tell someone once you lost your virginity?

  • 97. Does your lover know if you have masturbated?

  • 98. Does your lover know that you want to have sex with them but cant?

  • 99. Do you like masturbation?

  • 100. (Asker's ask) If i were to ask you if we could have sex, would you say yes?

laurazocca:

I like drinking tea alone, and reading alone.

I like riding the bus alone, and walking home alone.

It gives me time to think, and set my mind free.

I like eating alone, and listening to music alone.

But when I see a mother with her child;

A girl with her lover;

Or a friend laughing with their best friend;

I realize that even though I like being alone

I don’t fancy being lonely.

after 3+ years on tumblr this is still the most relevant accurate thing i’ve ever seen